atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
