do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
