I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Randomize
