I wannas sexs uuuuu
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
