You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
