I'm gonna have a badass scar
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize