is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
