and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
