pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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