Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Randomize
