ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
