she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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