Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Say something about gay babies.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
