I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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