He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
