Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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