We named our party play list daddy issues
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
