shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
