idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize