Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
