I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
