There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
