white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
