So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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