I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
