If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
