well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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