Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
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