If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
How naked do you want me to be?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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