I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
My bed smells like the plague
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
