hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize