Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
you win again, gameday.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
