every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
