Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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