She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
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