I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Two words: blizzard sex
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
