I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
foreskin is a definite game changer
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
