Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize