Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
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