Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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