your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize