I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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