I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
