I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
