I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
