Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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