fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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