FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
