so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
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