Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
