Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
