My pussy is not your playground.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Randomize
