how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize