smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Be still, my beating vagina.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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