apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
my sisters under your porch take her home
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
