So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
