I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
