I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
My cat gives me a boner
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
