I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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