There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
