Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Randomize
