so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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