i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
