my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
two words...techno handjob
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
