i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
