You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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