thus making me awesome and them whores
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize