i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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