I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
