I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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