I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
