Whats the glycemic index on semen?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
