Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
