Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
