all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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