video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize