Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
