We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Sex in the backyard? Check.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
