is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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