Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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