I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
A bitchslap is in order.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
