i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
