i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
