Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
